How to Survive Crazy Relatives Over the Holidays this Year

I actually feel pretty lucky. Despite the above photo (which is one of my favorites taken a few years ago), my family is relatively drama-free. Once you get into extended family or my in-laws, however, all bets are off.

It’s tempting to think that all families should be happy and loving and sentimental during the holidays. That’s what’s most often portrayed on TV, Pinterest, and Facebook. Most of my friends post the happy photos of cute kids dressed up in front of the fireplace. They don’t show Uncle George in the corner at the family Christmas party with the fifth of Jack that he doesn’t intend to share.

So I’ve learned to deal with the drama over the years, although I still need to remind myself sometimes that I don’t need to participate in drama or be disappointed. Here are some of the things I keep in mind:

All families are different, and that’s OK.

This is especially true for dealing with in-laws. My own couldn’t be more different. I was raised to value simlicity. My mom gets us one gift, usually hand made, and a gift card. My MIL takes us on a $500 shopping spree and then supplements with various other gifts so there’s a huge mound under the tree. I struggle with resenting having to figure out what to do with the fifth cereal dispenser she’s given us (we don’t eat cereal). But I have to remind myself that this is how she shows love, and it’s different from my family and that’s OK. There’s no right or wrong.

You have no control over what other people do or say.

One of DH’s aunts always tells him how he is his favorite, and wouldn’t he like to come live with her or at least spent the night. It used to bother me, but then I realized that she’s 80 something years old and probably has no filter.  And then there are the relatives who love to talk politics with which you vehemently disagree. I’ve learned that the smile and nod approach works the best. If that fails there’s always this:

Others have no control over what YOU do or say.

This is especially important when setting boundaries. It’s so easy to want to make others happy, and when DH and I were first married we tried to go to every single family party, which  meant spending an hour and a half or more in the car on major holidays going from feast to feast. We finally decided that we would only do ONE party per day. It was stressful putting our feet down but it has paid off as things are much less stressful. Decide with your spouse what you want to participate in, and stand your ground.

Finally, remember the reason for the season.