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bikiniA few days ago I received a press release that really rubbed me the wrong way.  At first I rolled my eyes and hit delete.  But the more I thought about it,  the more I realized what terrible advice it is for me and many of those who are also on a weight loss or health journey. So I decided to write a post more in line with my values and experience.

Steve Siebold, author of Die Fat or Get Tough: 101 Differences in Thinking Between Fat People and Fit People, says these 10 tips can help anyone stick to their diet, lose the weight and improve their health. But I’ve rewritten them to more closely reflect my own experience and journey.
“Memorial Day and the official start of summer are just a few weeks away, but maybe you’re not ready to hit the pool or beach because you’re embarrassed by those few extra pounds.”

First of all, there is no reason AT ALL to be embarrassed by a few extra pounds. Who the heck will even notice? A few extra pounds is what I fluctuate on a long run day. Then again, as I near the age of 40 I’m not embarrassed about much. I could imagine being embarrassed if I forgot to shave my legs or bikini line but a “few extra pounds” is not worth even noticing.

So I’d like to rewrite the opening paragraph to the following:

Memorial Day and the official start of summer are almost here, and it’s time to enjoy life! Get ready to savor fresh, seasonal produce and spend time in the beautiful weather outside.

1″.      It’s an all or nothing approach: 99% compliance is failure when dieting.  Sounds harsh, but in order to break old habits, you can’t let them in the door for even a second.  You wouldn’t cheat on your spouse in a committed relationship, so don’t cheat on something as important as your diet.”

Ok really Steve? A square of dark chocolate ranks right up there with ditching your spouse for some hookers and blow? The whole idea of “cheating” leads many of us to a guilt/shame/deprivation /overeating cycle that makes us worse off than when we started.

A better approach : Recognize that each bite you consume is the chance to make a decision to feel healthy and energetic. If you make a poor decision, try to figure out why and make a better one next time.

“2.      Get brutally honest with yourself: Take off all your clothes and stand in front of a mirror.  If you don’t like what you see, it’s time to do something about it. This is called operating from objective reality and avoiding delusion.”

Many women suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, and I guarantee even bikini models will find something they don’t like about themselves. A better approach? Look in the mirror, thank your body for being there for you every day, and promise to return the favor by taking good care of it.

3.      Adopt the mantra of “I am responsible:” Understand that the hero on the white horse isn’t going to come riding in to save you from obesity.  Only you can save yourself by growing up emotionally and making the decision to get healthy once and for all.  

Steve, I’m not even sure to start with this one. But I’ve been obese, and I sure as hell wasn’t expecting any white horse. I was trying every diet in the book and reading tips like yours. Part of “growing up emotionally” means that few things are black and white. And it’s important to be kind to yourself and realize that if you want to make a change, you have the power to do something about it.

4″.      Seeing is believing: Create a vision board filled with lean and sexy people and hang it in a very visible location.  Whenever you feel discouraged, motivate yourself by looking at the vision board.  “

This is another truly terrible idea. Those lean and sexy people have been photoshopped and don’t exist in the real world. There is absolutely no reason to post unrealistic photos in a visible location and proceed to beat yourself up on a daily basis because you don’t measure up. That’s enough to make anyone want to eat a tub of ice cream for dinner.

Instead, fill your vision board with new adventures that you want to have. If your weight is holding you back, include things that you want to do when you get healthy. My vision board included camping, triathlons, and cute clothes.

5″.      Use past failures as fuel: Don’t wallow in your present day weight problem as this keeps you from tapping into your emotional motivation.  Get grounded in the present but focused on the future.  Use failures of the past to propel you forward.”

This idea is actually not a bad one, provided you don’t continue to obsess over past failures. As I mentioned earlier, beating yourself up over mistakes isn’t going to help anyone. Better to acknowledge them and take the next step forward. And the next one, one day at a time.

6.  ”    Stop starting over: Stop letting yourself off the hook.  Stop starting over and telling yourself you’ll do it next time. There is no next time, only this time right now. You said next time, last time, and allowing yourself the luxury of continually quitting is a deadly habit. “

This goes back to the harmful, unsustainable “all or nothing ” approach. And if you’re caught in that cycle, it’s time to identify what’s not working rather than continually trying to deprive yourself or trying to force an unrealistic lifestyle.

7.      Eat for health: Stop seeing food and meal times as a pleasurable activity.  Fit people always ask the question: “How is this meal going to affect my health?”  Be smart and make conscious decisions that will keep you fit and healthy.

Stop seeing food and meal times as a pleasurable activity? No way! Fit and healthy choices can and should be pleasurable. There’s no reason to live on shakes and kale the rest of your life (I actually like kale, but not because I’m “supposed ” to!)

8.      “Get around fit people: You are who you associate with. If you spend time around couch potatoes who want to do nothing but lounge around all day, that’s going to hold you back.  Get around fit people who will inspire you to eat right and workout.”

I’m not going to advise anyone to ditch their friends because they don’t live up to some fitness standard. I have friends all across the spectrum. However, the part about not letting anyone hold you back is true. If you are making healthy lifestyle changes your true friends will be supportive.

9.    ”  Get a support person: A workout buddy is a good idea, but an even better way to go is to find someone to coach you who has already accomplished what you’re after, and to make sure they push you to reach your goals. Don’t find someone who will be nice. Find someone who will help you get results.”

Again, the idea behind this is good but I completely disagree that a coach has to be an asshole to be effective. I am working towards becoming a nutrition and life coach, and I am definitely not going to be a jerk. The holisitc health coach that made a huge difference for me was very kind and taught me to be the same to myself.

10. ”  Know that many diets work perfectly well:  People have a difficult time accepting their own behavior so they blame their diet. That’s no different than a college graduate begging for money on the street and then blaming the school for his failure to succeed.  Grow up emotionally and develop the mental toughness to stick to a diet once and for all.  Many diets work perfectly well.”

Actually,  diets rarely work. What works is making healthy eating and movement choices until it becomes as natural as breathing. Growing up means ditching the idea that a diet will do anything other than drop a few pounds temporarily. It means making small, sustainable changes. Now, that’s not to say that Steve’s tips won’t work for some people. They would probably work for my husband, who definitely has a more competitive personality. But for me, a different approach is needed.

Want support for designing your OWN “diet” to finally get healthy without fads, shakes, or pills? Join our Facebook group or email me at wendy @ wholisticwoman.com.

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  4. Johnna

    Less Steve, more Wendy would make the world a happier and healthier place. I love your responses so much better than his, which all seem to be punishment and lack of self-love.

    Reply

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