Running in Spite of Falling Apart

I used to pride myself on being a healthy fat person. Severely obese if you want to get technical. I mean, I have done triathlons! Ran 9.5 miles! I eat kale. Even spirulina, on occasion.

Except . . . it’s been a few years since I ran consistently. I just “ran” two miles in more time than it usually takes me to walk it. Oh, and the sleep apnea is still there. And the high blood pressure. But that seems to be controlled by semi-regular use of a water pill.

And now, today, I get another call from the doctor’s office. You might recall that cholesterol and glucose levels were what triggered my decision to start the journey towards weight loss surgery. Well, as part of the WLS process, I had to get a bunch of labs taken. Turns out I am low in vitamin B and D. They are even putting me on a prescription for Vitamin D (I have never heard of that before!). I feel like my body is falling apart.

Now it’s a head game. When I’m out there running, I start thinking about all the pills I’m supposed to be taking. I say to myself, I am severely obese, am I hurting myself by trying to run? Maybe I should just take a fat lady noodle in the water class or walk around the block. And who am I kidding, it’s not really “running” when I am slower than molasses in January.

But those endorphins feel great. My left calf has a pain but it’s not obnoxious. I try to make sure my stride is correct. I’m breathing heavy but not overly so. I am purposely running slowly so that I can run these two miles at least once without stopping. After I’ve done it once I will have the confidence to do it again, only not at my “go as slow as possible so as not to run out of steam” pace. I’m glad I chucked the couch to 5K training program out the window. Listening to my body is definitely the way to go.

That voice in the back of my head that says I can’t do this because I’m too fat? I left it by the mailbox with the daylilies around mile 1.5. Yes, I AM running, in spite of falling apart.